8 Oct 1996
Re: Angel voices
Dear Trudy
>The "two-way communication" techniques for prayer seem
to work most of the time. When it works well, I am frequently filled with
a sense of God's love, and this presence I've told you about is very strong.
Good. I'm glad.
Yes, feelings can be misleading. They're only indications. So it's up to
us to figure out what a feeling indicates and where it's coming from. And
yes, we can influence our feelings by what we say to ourselves. That's because
the subconscious mind is like the central processing unit of a computer:
it takes inputs from many sources, and it uses stored programs and data.
Does this mean our feelings are always indications of reality? No, because
they may be internally generated. But does it mean our feelings are divorced
from reality? No, they may be indicating something that exists whether we
know it or not.
>Recently I was "nudged" into writing my sister a letter
that said, "I was told to write you a letter and tell you that you
are not alone. I know it's hard right now, but hang in there. I love you."
From the results, it probably would have been better to write, "You
are not alone. I know it's hard right now, but hang in there. I love you."
-- and let it go at that. The statement "I was told to write you a
letter" invites the questions, "By whom?" and "How do
you know?" so your sister's reactions were normal, expectable. Since
you were not sure, it wasn't wise to make that statement. Therefore, if
the nudge included the thought "Tell her you were told to write to
her," it looks like the source of that nudge either wasn't wise or
was making mischief between you and your sister. In either case, not from
God, and not likely from you since it was a nudge. So probably from a mischievous
spirit. This reminds me of one of the caveats in my paper on Two-Way Prayer
-- It is seldom wise to say "This came from God" or "Thus
sayeth the Lord." As you might expect, I learned that lesson the hard
way.
>As to the St. Augustine incident: I know now, after reading your
web pages, that I was sensing the presence of angels, not the Indian ghosts.
But I did not know that then. I did not (still do not) know what an angel
"feels" like.
Sure you do. You didn't, but now you know what the presence of God's angels
feels like, because you've experienced it. I say that because your description
fits my experience.
>Was it *really* angels of God, or is that just a label based on our
concepts, like people who've had a near-death experience and said the Light
was Jesus?
Yes, I think it was really angels of God. What happened was apparently a
rescue mission. Because I believe God rescues, I believe God sent His angels
to rescue those Indians.
>I remember the week I was in St. Augustine was a rare week for me,
when I seemed particularly at peace with God.
Yes, indeed. From the results, you were on track at that time. Therefore,
what you were doing then is what you need to do more of -- and what you
were not doing then is what you need to do less of.
>I did not really believe God was listening. I just sort of hoped
He was.
So you proved you don't have to "really believe" God is listening.
To just sort of hope is sufficient. That shoots another church doctrine:
the one that says God won't listen to us unless we "really believe."
>Although I understood that my sudden realization of entities and
their gratitude was a result of my prayer, it never once occurred to me
the communication could be coming from God, or from angels. That was the
stuff of myth, or religious fanaticism, or madness.
Yes, that stuff is taught in this disbelieving society -- disinformation
by those who don't want to believe in God or the Kingdom of God.
>I was (and still am) entirely schizophrenic about this. I know every
parable in the gospels, every story Jesus told about the abundant joy and
love of His Father's Kingdom. But I have lived with concepts of God as Santa
Claus with a flame thrower, and God as callous and arbitrary and indifferent.
So ... an inner battle among competing theologies. How can we resolve it?
Every theology is a theory. We can't know for sure which theology is true,
because a lot of theological assertions are not testable, but we can *choose
to assume* that what Jesus said about God and the Kingdom of God is true.
Why make that assumption? In my case, because every other theology describes
someone or something I do not respect, let alone worship.
"Santa Clause with a flame-thrower" is a perfect description of
a very bad theology! May I quote you? By way of reciprocity, here is my
somewhat less graphic description of a common theology: "A mean old
man with a long gray beard who lives in the sky and plays favorites."
>The Kingdom of God was for others, not for me. And angels talked
to God and mystics and prophets, and even "good" Christians, but
not to me.
Another false notion, instilled when you were young, disproved by experience.
>On some level I still believe the things that were told to me when
I was young.
Sure. Some of what we were told turns out to be true, and some turns out
to be false. Little by little, step by step, we sort through our inheritance,
accept some of it and reject some of it. I don't know anyone who did it
all at once.
>When I read this letter, I am amazed at the extent of my self doubt.
Interesting thing, denial. I am trying very hard to quit denying the reality
of my life.
For most people, denial is a defense against something they don't want to
believe, but that doesn't seem to be so in your case. Perhaps some of the
self-doubt is coming from spirits who don't want you to believe. Or perhaps
you are struggling with denial because some things seem too good to be true.
If so, the subconscious defense is against the possibility of disappointment.
>It is of infinite importance for me to know that it is God Who is
sending a message, and not some delusion on my part.
Yes, discernment is vitally important. But you need more categories than
just those two. Part of your internal conversation may be from God; part
may be self-delusion, and parts may be neither from God nor self-delusion.
I know thoughts that pop up in my conscious mind are coming either *from*
or *through* my subconscious mind. It's like being in an airplane: I hear
a lot of voices in my one set of earphones -- one of the voices is mine;
some are from automatic systems in my aircraft; and some are coming in through
my radio from any number of sources outside my aircraft. Some of those sources
may be foolish, or foes pretending to be friends. How does anyone sort it
out? By pattern recognition (learning to recognize various voices and types
of voices by what they say and how they say it); by tuning my radio so as
to increase the probability that I will hear who I want to hear and not
others; and by use of call-signs (names), BUT always retaining a bit of
skepticism because any call-sign can be faked.
Am I making this unnecessarily complicated or terribly difficult? I hope
not. To me, prayer is very much like using a two-way radio, and discernment
is very much like using a home computer. Neither is a magical gift of the
gods. Neither is necessarily easy or difficult. Both are skills that can
be learned.
Cheers!
Ben
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