19 Aug 1996
Thank you for your kind response to my e-mail. I've had a little time to
explore some of your web links and found a couple of interesting sites.
I have seen ghosts several times in my life. And I frequently get "messages"
in my dreams. But mostly I just feel presences. For years I did not believe
in demons or possession (in total denial of my own psychic feelings and
experiences), until I saw a television talk show once with several exorcists.
The show was very informative. I put two and two together, and decided by
show's end that my brother exhibited enough of the common symptoms to be
in serious spiritual trouble. So I prayed for him. Now, Ben, I had been
praying for my brother for years. But this time the prayer was a specific
request to free him of these "demonic" influences. At the very
moment of the prayer, I was overwhelmed by a very deliberate, horrific attack
on my mind. I was to learn, later, what a psychic attack was. But at that
time I had no words, no psychological construct, for what was happening
I sensed that the presences who attacked me came in response to the prayer
for my brother, whereupon I prayed harder and even more frantically for
both of us. After awhile, the attack faded. For days afterwards I prayed
for protection. But the attack was effective in that it curtailed my prayers
for my brother for some time after that, and I continued to shy away from
all things psychic for a number of years.
In 1987 I had a Faustian experience which changed the course of my life.
I was living the "good life" of a Naval Officer with the "perfect"
marriage and family. But the truth was, my marriage was in trouble, I was
drinking heavily, and I was mentally exhausted. I had tried everything I
could think of to overcome an overwhelming depression, but had reached the
point of seriously considering suicide. One night I lay in bed late, considering
possible suicide scenarios, when the strangest idea popped into my head.
"You've tried your best being a good girl; you've prayed to God over
and over again with no response. Why don't you try doing things my way?"
Thus ensued a rather lengthy conversation, all in my head, no presence felt,
nothing to make me believe it was anything other than my imagination. "Well,
since this is obviously your imagination, there is no consequence to agreeing
to this. There is no real contract, you see. It's only a game in your mind."
There was a great deal more of this sort of talk. It did truly seem as if
God had abandoned me. And it seemed a fictitious agreement with an unidentified
voice in my head could not possibly mean anything. In the end, however,
I refused the offer. It just felt wrong, in spite of the logical argument
presented by the voice. Then I shut the voice off and said to God, "I'm
out of options. I've got no place else to go. If You don't want me -- if
You don't help -- I die alone."
The very next day a series of events started that turned my world upside
down and inside out. Virtually nothing stayed the same, and as my relationship
with God grew, so did the frequency of psychic occurrences.
About 4 months after the midnight conversation I was in a counseling session,
sharing things I'd never mentioned to anyone about my life. Suddenly the
room filled with flashing, bursting lights, ribbons of color flying. Light
flowing, curling, shooting like stars from one side of the room to the other.
I sensed a number of "people" around me, as if they were staring
at me from over my right shoulder. I was terrified. My counselor continued
to talk, oblivious to the light-show around us. I grew ever more agitated,
made some excuse to end the session. I prayed frantically that God would
get rid of this stuff. The light-show lasted about an hour. The entities
stayed for 3 days, and then all but one left. The one presence who remained
would not leave, no matter how much I prayed.
For several years I tried to convince myself I was crazy, or had a brain
tumor. There seemed to be no way to communicate with it, and for the first
few years I wouldn't even try. The only form of communication that existed
seemed to be the strength of it's presence. When I was about to do something
that violated my conscience, I felt it very strongly. However, I could not
determine if that meant it was attempting to tempt me into the wrong act,
or nudge me away from it. I also could not determine if the presence was
malevolent or benign. I read everything I could get my hands on about spirits
and psychic phenomena. I tried to find a psychic who could tell me what
was going on. It cost me $75 and I got the standard line: "That's your
spirit guide. He's here to help you...etc."
Anyway, the years passed. I continued to develop my relationship with God
(in fits and starts and occasional setbacks.) There were lots of other psychic
occurrences, one that involved a particularly evil group of entities tormenting
a young woman who was a drug addict. (I need to tell you about that one,
but will save it for another letter.) Another one involved a wonderful affirmation
of love and gratitude from a group of entities in St. Augustine, Fl. Several
So I continue to get nudges, raised eyebrows, and occasionally something
very specific comes through -- a sense of, I must call this person, or I
must write this letter, or go here or do this. If I ignore the "message,"
the entreaty tends to grow stronger, sometimes even to the point of becoming
almost frantic. At first I did not trust these nudges. But over the years,
the "fruit" of the messages have been beneficial for all concerned.
So Ben, I have several questions.
Is there anything that can be done to help my brother, who most likely does
not want help. (He will not tolerate even a short discussion about God,
does not even like me to say, "You are in my prayers or God bless you.")
I believe his to be a critical situation. If he is really possessed, it
is not likely he can ask for help.
How do I learn to talk with these entities? How do you do it? Can you tell
very specifically that you are "hearing" from spirits/angels?
How do you know that it isn't just your own mind talking? I've always worried
about that aspect of it. That it is "me" talking. That I'm just
Whew! I think that's enough for one letter.
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