13 Sep 1996
How wonderful!
Ben, it is a gift to find someone who has experienced many of the things
I have, and can explain them. How wonderful not to be alone! Also, it is
not easy to talk about ambivalence toward God. I appreciate your warm acceptance
of my life's journey. It certainly makes the trip less lonely. So much to
tell you... and how to decide what is most important?
The more I think about it, the more the image of the penknife as "useful
for any number of little jobs" fits. I seem to have a lifetime of varied
experiences, and numerous different types of psychic experiences. And when
God has graced me with knowing that I've truly helped someone, these experiences
have varied also.
First, another incident: St. Augustine, Florida is advertised as "the
oldest city in America." It is a picturesque tourist attraction, containing
some interesting history, and is a pleasant place to spend an afternoon.
Several years ago I was enjoying the sights when I came to an enclosed compound.
Directly inside, the cement floor stretched only a short distance. The floor
ended at a railing which overlooked a large excavation. At the railing was
a sign stating that a 2000 year old mass grave of about 200 Native Americans
had been partially excavated. Looking down I saw skeletons embedded in the
stone. Some were obviously children, and they were nestled in the curve
of larger skeletons, as if they had lain down with their parents for a nap.
It was a touching sight, and I said a prayer, "God, please bless them."
Immediately I sensed an intense feeling of gratitude coming from a large
group of entities, and love the likes of which I've never felt before, all
around me. I sensed no words at first. Just sincere gratitude and joy and
love so strong and palpable, I was completely awed. At first I thought to
myself, "I didn't do anything. What did I do?" And then came the
thought, "Your prayer." I realized the gratitude came from "people"
whose skeletons lay before me. I stood transfixed for several minutes, and
the sensation of gratitude did not diminish. After awhile I began to focus
on my surroundings again, and I wondered how far my sense of these entities'
presence would extend, so I walked out of the compound. Directly outside
the door, the feelings were still very strong; as I walked away from the
compound, the sense of their presence grew fainter. But now, here's where
words fail me. Because although there was a palpable sense of their presence
at the grave site, the sense of gratitude came with me, sort of like a telephone
call. I walked back to the compound and again felt the presence of many
people. I left once more, walked clear to the other side of Old St. Augustine,
waited an hour, and then walked back. As I drew closer to the compound,
the joy of that place grew steadily stronger. Ben, it could have been a
beacon, it seemed so strong! It drew me. I hated to leave.
After reading your web pages about soul rescue work, I wonder if something
like that happened here. I always imagined these people were just happy
someone said a prayer for them, but I never understood why their gratitude
was so intense, or why I would feel such encompassing, surrounding love
in that place, until I read your pages.
One more: Occasionally I will have a very strange "dream," and
sometimes I know that I'm in an "astral" state, away from my body.
Sometimes I won't know what's really happened until I return. I don't try
to do this; it happens spontaneously. I cannot control it, and it doesn't
happen very often. (I still can't get over sounding like a "nut"
when I talk about this.) But anyway... Early one morning I was about to
get out of bed when I suddenly slipped through an opening (a door, a window)
in my head. I found myself standing in the bathroom of a small house. I
saw every detail of the bathroom, felt the light switch and wall paper as
I touched the wall. I looked in the mirror at a thin, middle-aged woman
with long, straight grey hair, held back with a rubber band. She/I was dressed
in a robe. I could see trees through the open bathroom window, and hear
children playing outside. I was amazed that the "dream" was so
real, and I very much wanted to go outside the house and see the neighborhood.
I found a house dress on a bed in the room right by the bathroom, slipped
it on, and walked through this strange, dark house until I found the front
door. Out in the yard I followed the children's voices. I was in a poor
neighborhood full of small, wood-framed houses, and smaller, dilapidated
mobile homes. There were a number of children running through the trees
and the sparse grass of the sandy yards. The day was warm and clear, no
clouds in the sky. I was out in the middle of the street when a man wearing
jeans and a T-shirt, who must have been in his early 20's, came up to me
looking worried and embarrassed.
"Mom, what are you doing out here?" he asked me. "You should
be in the house!" I answered, "I want to be outside."
A heavy-set man in his late 40's came barreling up. He looked furious. As
he reached us his hand was in the air, as if to slap me. I automatically
lowered my head and pulled my arms in close to my body, and sensed that
this was a common reaction for this woman. But he hesitated, looking around
at the neighborhood. "What are you doing out here?" he hissed.
"Get in the house!"
"I want to be outside," I repeated.
He took me by my elbow, turned me around, and steered me toward the house.
I did not, under any circumstances, want to be in the house with that man,
so I simply left...
And felt that familiar jolt and tingling sensation from head to foot, as
I slid back into my own body (Reentry feels more like a gentle sort of slam,
actually.)
Prior to reading your web pages, I thought this was just a really elaborate,
cognitive dream, with some sort of psychic connection because of the complete
physical sensations and astral element. But after reading "Jim Two"
I wonder if I really was inside that poor woman's body. I've no idea if
she was inside her body with me, or if she was "home" at all.
Perhaps she was mentally ill or had Alzheimer's. I wished I'd thought to
look for an envelope or something with an address.
I suppose the ability of a spirit to occupy a body when no one is home,
wouldn't necessarily be limited to "bodiless" spirits. Have you
ever heard of this, Ben?
Questions:
In several places you mentioned "damage" the dark ones caused
while they were inside someone. What kind of damage?
I am encountering substantial "interference" when I attempt to
"up-link" to God. As I concentrate on developing reano, I get
a steady influx of negative thoughts and images, which I firmly push out,
one by one. I understand that I'm new at this and that it takes practice.
But I know that I am not consciously generating these thoughts. I pray for
assistance and protection. What else can I do?
If 85-90% of human beings have one or more attachees, then obviously I have
them too. I'm doing the "Spiritual Shower" every day, with mixed
results. But I want to be rid of them. I want to be able to help my parents
and siblings (several of whom I know must be infested,) and of course, my
brother. And people I run into, like Lisa. How can I do this if all kinds
of lost ones and elementals have "made a home" inside of me? (Not
to mention tons of spiritual scar tissue that must be here.) Ben, I know
you must be terribly busy, so I hesitate to ask. But I'm concerned I will
not get free of these things without your help. You mentioned that remote
detachments are difficult, but please, can't we do something?
I know it would help a great deal to be part of a local church or group
who are open to these sorts of things. I am attending a little church. The
people are very friendly, but it's the standard sort of fare. How do I find
a place like Bethany here?
I absolutely love the information about blessings! Since I read it, I go
around blessing my family, the dog and cat and birds and people on the street
and in the grocery store, and so on. It feels good and it's wonderful fun!
"In His word..." How beautiful.
Your friend,
Trudy
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