1 Feb 1997

>I'm wondering if our correspondence could be sanitized (to protect the innocent and the guilty) and posted on my website.

As long as there's the possibility that it would benefit someone else, I'm all for it. Yes, it must be sanitized. My biggest concern is to ensure that I sufficiently hide the identity of people I've talked about. And correct my atrocious spelling. Where do we start?

>Please expand on the answer or explanation you received when you asked what, specifically, did "resting in God" mean.

Doesn't sound like those three little words would be difficult to understand, does it? But I view those words as a formula, a pat answer for someone who's fallen on hard times. "I know it's tough right now, Hon. You just rest in God and you'll be all right..." I grew up in a place where people never questioned any ritual, or liturgy or scripture. They never asked what difference religion made in their daily lives. "Just believe and you will be saved." "Trust God." "Have faith." Words.

Being "saved" isn't enough for some good Christians who think we should all be "born again." I remember once asking a woman, who was set on converting me, why she believed her particular religion was the right one. "Because," she said, "the Holy Spirit told me." She might as well have answered that her refrigerator told her. It would have made just as much sense to me.

"Sister, have you been washed in the blood of the lamb?" Spare me the ghoulish metaphors.

I was in bible study groups a few times. At one point we were studying Exodus and arguing about whether God would actually send an angel to kill the innocent firstborn children of Egypt. The argument went on for a while. One woman said, "I believe God would do that today, if He was trying to get through to us and we refused to listen." I lost patience and snapped, "God is not a child abuser!" Everyone froze. After several heartbeats the minister suggested a break. We never went back to the subject.

Words are powerful. They have a tremendous effect on us. It is vitally important that we stop to think about how they are being used, and what they mean.

So when I finally realized I was getting a real message and not just a religious "junk phrase" washing up from my subconscious, I said to myself, "Of course I'm resting in God! I'm praying almost constantly. And getting lots of sleep because I'm so sick I can barely get out of bed. I can't possibly rest any more than I'm already resting!"

I was analyzing the situation, trying to figure out what I was sensing and feeling, thinking about what exactly I should be praying for, turning the problem around in my head a thousand times a day, staying awake until 1 or 2 am nearly every night. Yep, I was resting all right.

But since I just kept hearing the same message I finally stopped and asked what it meant, and what, specifically, I was supposed to do to "rest in God."

Notice I still thought I had to do something. I heard, "Be here. Be still, with God."

So I did my best to establish a good uplink, and for the first time in over a week I quit thinking. Quit trying to "figure it out," quit trying to do anything.

In retrospect I see that I was like a patient insisting on helping the doctor perform open heart surgery on myself. I don't know what I was doing that was interfering, but obviously I kept getting in the way.

"Be still and know that I am God." This is one of my favorite verses. I first read it when I was a young girl. Once in a while I remember it.

>The entire report of your prayer sessions for Tom should be shared: it contains two concrete pieces of evidential material, a technique I have not heard of before (the mirror), and a great insight concerning the loving patience of God's angels.

Yeah, I thought the mirror was a neat trick. It says a lot about the ingenuity of God's workers.

What is the significance of the creature that appeared to be a tortoise? Any ideas as to what that was?

I am enjoying learning more about angels. On Wednesday nights during the time people come up to the rail for prayer, sometimes an individual approaches, accompanied by an angel. At first I thought it was just a discarnate human being following along behind. But angels act differently than human spirits, and they feel different to me.

Human spirits always seem to be in motion, or talking, or somehow "busy." They are rarely peaceful or calm. They are often confused and drifting, desire without direction. And I seem to pick up on their emotions quite easily. Angels, on the other hand, seem quiet, calm, even when they are moving. It's a stillness of spirit that humans totally lack. I remember reading something Malachi Martin wrote about God. He said, "God was never without purpose." That's the way an angel feels to me -- full of purpose.

An angel will stop a few feet behind the person at the rail and wait. Sometimes the angel appears to be praying with their human charge. (I wonder if they pray every time their human prays? I'll have to pay closer attention.) It confused me at first when I couldn't figure out if I was seeing a male or female, and then I remembered angels are sexless. Each one of them are as different from one another as we are. I know size means nothing in the world of the spirit, but sometimes I get a sense of size. Perhaps it's my human need to fit what I sense into some kind of framework. But they seem larger than human spirits. One angel was twice the size of other angels I'd seen, and there was a toughness about this one that particularly impressed me. And yet this angel was as calm and as "good" as the rest.

I do a "credential check" so to speak, to ensure as well as I am able, that these creatures work for God (what you taught me to do.) They have all been good guys. They never interfere. They never leave, turn away or seem bored. They always seem attentive. I've not yet engaged any of them in a lengthy conversation, since my attention is directed toward the person at the rail. But I often wonder what their mission is -- guardian, guide? I've asked, "Why are you here?" Standard answer: "To help."

Oh, and once an individual was accompanied by an angel who was definitely female. A wonderful sense of calm. But stronger emotional output, very loving. It took me a while to sort this one out, because she seemed human and angel, all at the same time. Then I remembered as-angels.

I am also curious as to why I only see angels with a few people. Is it because I can only occasionally "tune into" the right frequency? Or is it because few people are accompanied by angels? Or am I seeing these angels for some other reason I don't yet understand? Are some angels more easily seen by us than other angels? Is there some capacity in the human being -- some connection or quality of spirit -- that makes his/her angel more "seeable?"

During prayer at the rail there's been reason, on occasion, to ask God for Angel Rescue Teams, and although at times I can sense their activity, I do not sense them as clearly as the angels who accompany their charges to the rail. It's almost as if the angels accompanying the people are closer to "here," and the angel rescues teams are further away, "over there." This is a physical description of something that exists in non-physical reality, and therefore, not very accurate. But I have no better words for it.

Believe it or not, I haven't read a single one of the dozens of books about angels in the bookstores. I've glanced at a few. But most of them have limited information, all mixed up with a lot of new-age hooey, and I just didn't want to spend my hard earned money on them. If you know of a good one, I'll buy it.

Ben, can you go into further detail about residual scar tissue of the spiritual body? How is it that it can continue to grow layers each lifetime? What do you mean by "may be formed by the self-deception inherent in hypocrisy?"

When I was doing a prayer session for my sister, I saw layers of this stuff built up all around her. Looked like facets of a huge crystal, or a giant carnival fun house with mirrors. When I told her about it she identified strongly with the house of mirrors, explaining that she showed different personalities to different people, even to the point of using several different variations of her name. These facets of personality hide her real self, and are a defense against feeling exposed and vulnerable. I can see quite clearly how this helps her... or how she *thinks* it helps her. The difficulty is in helping her understand how it hurts her and why she should get rid of it.

Is there a standard way to identify spiritual scar tissue? A consistent look or *feel* to it? How do you remove it?

I think I have spiritual scar tissue around my head and face -- it's shaped something like a football helmet. I asked for help in removing it, but although it was loose, it wouldn't come off. Now, I could be way off base and it may not be spiritual scar tissue at all, because I don't know how to identify it. But it's just so weird how, when I'm praying, I'll be looking for one thing and I'll see something totally unexpected, you know?



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