DETACHMENT SESSION, SAM
Ben H. Swett
8 August 1989
Every time Sam gets close to a spiritual topic, he shies away. He is frustrated in relationships -- seems to destroy them sooner or later. Has hang-ups with his mother; does not give up hope she will change. Feeling of something horrible, dark, in self. Colon problems since he was 10 years old. Tension in jaw; grinds (gnashes) teeth. Kidney disease (nephrosis) from age 2-9 kept him in isolation (to avoid infections); parents felt guilt, were hysterical about it; he was a prisoner. Some attraction on part of his mother that she was afraid of (sexual). Breach birth, feeling he was thrown into this life unwillingly. Visions of a woman and child; agreement to come back for the child -- this is associated with ex-wife's abortion before they were married. Has channeled for an entity that claims to be from another planet, "cross-galactic." Took LSD, was psychotic every time. Has done TM, EST, etc. Is a recovering alcoholic.
Ben: Calls on the Lord for guidance and blessing. Asks the Lord for a demon rescue team and warrior angels to surround Sam with a bubble of light, impenetrable and inescapable. When bubble is in place, asks team to move in quickly and capture all dark ones at once. (Done) Asks team leader to relay answers through Sam: "What do you have encapsulated?"
Sam: One looks like a wolf or a cougar -- very red eyes. Now looks like a figure from Egyptian mythology -- Horus (ancient Egyptian sun god, represented as having the head of a hawk or a jackal).
Team leader: Would be easier if we let this one talk directly.
Sam does not want to do that. He says team leader has a wolf now, like a pit bull on a leash; multi-animal, black mask, red eyes, powerful.
Ben: Team leader, please rig a thin telephone line from this one's bubble to Sam's bubble, so it can speak indirectly without influencing Sam in any way.
Sam: Image of a panther's face with red eyes comes up over the horizon, then a table thrown up on front of a stage, young boy spread out as though slain. Image of an Egyptian statue.
Team leader: OK to proceed.
Ben: Dark one in the guise of Horus, can you hear me?
Ben: What is your purpose with Sam?
Horus: To have fun with him.
Sam: He is laughing, scornful of what we are trying to do, and asserts that he is more powerful than we are.
Ben: How long have you been with Sam?
Horus: From the beginning.
Ben: In another life?
Horus: Many times. Many lives.
Ben: You have been revealed. You have failed to conceal your presence. What happens when you fail?
Sam: He says he doesn't fail.
Ben: Who do you serve?
Ben: Who do you command?
Horus: All the armies of the world.
Ben: Have you had a body of your own?
Horus: No... Yes, like Horus.
Ben: Why did you fall from the light?
Sam: That caught him off guard, disconcerted him. He's mumbling something ... stopping and starting again. (pause) Believed there is no light.
Ben: OK, then, I will offer you a challenge: look within yourself and tell me what you see.
Horus: No É No É No ... No ...
Sam: He's in pain.
Ben to team: Move in and remove the demons from Horus.
Horus: No ... No ... Not this ... My babies ...
Sam: Little black things are scampering all over.
Ben: Team leader, get them all. (pause)
Team leader: Got them all.
Ben: Horus, you were told that the light would burn you; true?
Horus: This was the fire of life, like the fire used to anneal a sword.
Ben: Are you ready to look within? (Horus starts yammering a bunch of distracting bullshit.) Look at the light around you.
Sam: He feels ashamed. He is afraid of you. He asks permission to speak.
Sam: He feels humbled. Did not mean to hurt boy -- just wanted to experience love. The characters he played were out of loneliness. Contrite.
Ben: Why are you afraid of the light?
Sam: Associates light with harsh judgment.
There is a truth here. Ben is feeling and thus conveying harsh, judgmental contempt for this entity. Feeling comes from Ben's karmic history as a warrior and his ancient quarrel with the gods. Yet the Light he is trying to serve is not harsh or judgmental to the contrite, but merciful and receptive and restorative. Ben explains this to Horus, apologizes for having misrepresented the true nature of the Light, and asks him if he understands.
Sam: He does understand, and he is rather overwhelmed. He says that no one in authority ever apologized to him before.
Ben: Look again, inside your self -- what do you see?
Sam: Sees self revitalized.
Ben: What color is your light?
Sam: White and green. It grows in the form of a solid ball with a pyramid in it.
Ben: What is that pyramid?
Sam: Vehicle of power. He loves it.
Ben: How can you be restored to wholeness and health, if you cling to this artifice in the center of your being? (no answer) Team leader, remove the pyramid, set it aside, and fill the hole with living light. (done)
Horus: So this is what it's like ... like a new babe.
Sam: He looks like an Egyptian boy.
Ben: What is your name?
Sam: Something like "Hori-mani."
Ben: Is that correct?
Ben: Look again -- what do you see?
Hori: A child. A child of god.
Ben: Look up, Hori-mani, and tell me what you see.
Hori: A picture, arms outstretched. A male figure.
Ben: Look farther up.
Hori: Sun -- it seems to have a face on it. (pause) Sudden blackness, like a womb. (pause) Turning into fragments, like a kaleidoscope.
Ben: Look farther up, Hori.
Hori: Jesus... Oh, my... I feel dejected... orphaned.
Ben: Go back and resume your original form.
Hori: I'm an ocean of bright light clouds.
Ben: Pull your self together.
Hori: Solid shape, dark, like a statue ...
Sam: Like a TV Emmy Awards statue.
Ben: Discard the artifice and see your true self.
Sam: A pastoral scene, or a series of pastoral scenes.
Ben: Enough, already. If you can't get serious and stop trying to distract us with a magic show, I can just turn you over to the demon rescue teams. They can work with you forever or for as long as it takes.
Sam: He's desperate. He's trying to say he is serious. He doesn't want you to abandon him and leave him vulnerable. He says I may be missing the mark because I believed some fundamental lie.
Ben: That's true. That is precisely the problem. Now that you realize it, look again.
Sam: He caught a glimpse of light. He's crying.
Ben: Look inside yourself.
Sam: He's smiling, crying, trembling with joy and fear.
Ben: What color is your light?
Hori: Purple... white ... pink.... white center... it grows... into a ball of light.
Ben: Look up high.
Hori: I see a concentration of very white light.
Ben: How does it feel?
Hori: Warm. Loving.
Ben: Are you ready to go home to the light?
Ben: OK, that's fine -- but before you go, would you please stay and help cleanse Sam?
Hori: Oh, yes!
Sam: He was going, but stopped and looked back -- he would have been disappointed if you hadn't asked him to stay and help.
Ben: What is happening?
Sam: Hori-mani is telling the team leader all the stuff that needs to be done.
Time passes, while much work is done to clean up Sam. Hori-mani conveys his perception that a piece of psychic surgery needs to be done by a transitional figure. A delicate piece of darkness needs to be shifted -- balance of dark and light -- alignment of heart chakra with those above and below it. He does not know how it can be done.
Ben: Can Sam do it?
Team leader: It's delicate.
Hori: A man's job.
Sam: I'm speechless.
Ben, aside, to the Lord: Guidance, please.
Reply via assigned as-angels: We care. Not surgery. The real: an entity -- so. And as residual -- so. We have worked this kind of task before.
Hori: Everything else is fine. This is the real problem. Sam's own darkness that attracted me in the first place. Easier to give the pyramid problem up as a discarnate. He thinks it is essential to his life -- the life of his body.
Ben: Hori, stay and watch.
Team leader: Before we get into this, can we work with some others first? We have the parts of a single entity, scattered around in several bags, comatose.
Ben: OK. Collect all the pieces in one bag, under heavy guard, and assign a healing team to start putting the entity back together. (a little time passes)
Team leader: Done, healing team is working.
Ben: Please sever all connections between that bag and Sam's aura. (done)
Ben: Hori, help Sam see that "delicate darkness" you spoke of.
Hori: Obelisk with flat top. Pyramid. Sphere. They move around. Make him think of something sexual. Misconception of spirituality and sexuality. Have to give up something he doesn't want to give up -- fantasies -- belief that fantasies are nexus between reality and desires. LSD trips important here. Especially the belief, "When reality and fantasy become one, then will I be enlightened."
Ben: Sam, look at that delicate darkness.
Sam: Obelisk turned into a cylinder. Pyramid is rounded.
Ben: Focus on the statement "fantasy is nexus between reality and desires" until it feels true. (With some difficulty and second thoughts, Sam has feeling that statement is true.) Now let that feeling take you back to another time, another place, when you first felt that way.
Sam: I see a moon. Light and dark. People wearing animal skins. IÕm a child. In a plain -- hills, moon. A guy walking toward me -- medicine man. Saying something. Shaking something in his hand. He is going to make everything appear and disappear. Says he can make physical things cognize. Fascinated by that -- all the pain goes away. People can't be hurt. Like before I was born -- this guy has the missing pieces.
Ben: Missing pieces of what?
Sam: Others' pain. I want to tell them they are just actors in a play.
Sam: Now IÕm giving a lecture on acting in a Greek theater. Telling them acting is whole human metaphor for soul's journey. In actors craft, one can learn proper balance of body and soul.
Sam: Back to medicine man scene. Somebody died. I am two people -- adult and child. Distortion. Look in person's face who died, and it is me.
Ben: Move back to the child.
Sam: Child is saying something is not right here, but not afraid of him.
Ben: He tricked you; why can't you tell them?
Sam: They won't believe me because I am a child.
Ben: Was it right?
Sam: Not so wrong -- but he is a smart ass. He wants to use this to manipulate, get power.
Ben: And you would like to do as he did, to get attention? How old are you?
Sam: Two or three years. Want attention, want to be heard, not ignored or dismissed, to such a degree I'm willing to compromise -- to play same sort of game medicine man did.
Ben: But the medicine man tricked you.
Sam: Want to be able to command the same respect as medicine man, but tell the truth. Willing to resort to a trick to get the power which will bring that respect.
Sam: Now IÕm an Egyptian magician, standing in front of people. Just did CPR on a guy and brought him back to life. Now they are adoring me, not listening to the truth. I did not want to defy the laws of nature. Angry. Start lying. Play orator, policy. Try to do good deeds, but only leads to more of the same.
Sam: Necromancer in Atlantis -- human souls into animal bodies. A mean sorcerer.
Ben: Stop. Go back to the boy with the medicine man. Tell me about the rest of his life.
Sam: Grew old and bitter. A son of the medicine man became leader of the tribe, and nobody listened to me even after I grew up.
Ben: He tricked them, and they believed him. You tried to tell them the truth and they rejected you. Can you take self-respect for having been persecuted for the truth?
(Long discussion. Answer is "no" implying, "I should have been a medicine man.)
Ben: Go back to the planning stage before that life.
Sam: See self as a white-robed figure, having accomplished a lot spiritually. Ask guides, "What is the hardest challenge available?" They say, "The intersection of fact and fiction, truth and deception, reality and fantasy -- very few of those who get into it ever get out again."
He says that is what he wants to experience. His guides advise against it, but he rejects their counsel and reincarnates. Then, life after life, he does not return to the light when he dies; he drifts in gloom and semi-darkness until beings (angels and demons, for their own very different reasons) come to him and urge him to reincarnate again. Hence the feeling of being thrown into this life unwillingly.
Ben: There's the origin of your problems. You got stuck in the intersection of fact and fiction, truth and deception, reality and fantasy. The medicine-man introduced you to magic as a way to get what you want. You wanted attention, and saw magic as a way to get it. Wanting magical powers makes dates with bad ghosts -- and the use of such powers doesn't do others much good, either. Go back to the scene as a magician in Egypt and look at their eyes. What do you see?
Sam: They are afraid of me. They pretend to adore me, but they are afraid of me.
Ben: So magic works, but it doesn't work. Even when it actually seems to short-cut the laws of nature, it doesn't earn other people's respect, and it doesn't do them any real or lasting good. On the other hand, the taste for it -- the desire for magical short-cuts -- screws up anyone who holds that desire, no matter how it is rationalized. You may be ready to learn that now, after wandering around in this trap for several thousand years, but the choice is strictly up to you.
(Long discussion. Eventual focus on point that Sam needs to relinquish his addiction to fantasy and magical short-cuts, and replace it with a respect for realities that do not depend on his own desires or beliefs or powers. Sam says he would like to take advantage of this opportunity. He suggests that his situation, and thus what needs to be done, is similar to the situation Hori-mani was in. Both of them had a false belief that they were the final authority and could make judgments which not even angels would make. Ben agrees.)
Ben: Look inside and tell me what you see.
Sam: The child who was with the medicine man.
Ben: Look inside the child.
He finds or creates one thought-form after another and presents them as being his inner self. Ben keeps saying, "Set that aside and look again." Eventually, the child gets frustrated and tired. He protests that he is trying to do what Ben wants, to find what Ben wants to see.
Ben: That's just it. That's the problem. You keep conjuring up fantasy thought-forms you think I want to see, and you try to make them real. You try so hard that you even fool yourself into believing they are real. But they are not real; they are only your own artificial constructions.
The image of the child looks more and more like a picture, and eventually just fades away.
Ben: Find the three thought-forms that are to you what the pyramid was to Hori.
Sam: I don't want to let go of them. They kept me alive when I was shut in my room with kidney disease.
Ben: No, they did not keep you alive; they kept you entertained. They were an antidote to boredom, but they did not keep you alive. That is what Hori meant when he said it is easier to give up the pyramid problem as a discarnate -- because a discarnate is not confused about it keeping him alive.
Sam: OK, it won't be easy, but let's do it.
Ben: Team leader, special team, and with help from Hori, move in and remove those thought forms. Dissolve them or bag them up and take them away.
(Sam's experience during this operation was not recorded, because Ben was adding his own energy to the operation. Ben does recall light and joy, and Sam saying, "A new game. A new start. It's like walking around in a new and empty house." Later, Sam reports that he felt calm. Then a slight emptiness. Then a tentative filling up.)
Ben and Sam thank the team leader and team members for their work.
Team leader: It's been a pleasure working with you. See you again next time. Good-bye.
Hori: Anything else?
Sam: He feels close and protective.
Ben thanks Hori for helping him see that he was misrepresenting the Light by being judgmental. Hori says Ben's thanks seem a bit effusive considering everything that has happened, expresses his appreciation for what has been done for him and for Sam, says good-bye, and departs.
1. The Act of Blessing: (1) observe an individual person or living thing, (2) appreciate that being as it is, rather than as you wish it to be, (3) bless that being by sending it an outward flow of unstructured white light and your own good-will. Then stop. Don't get hooked by wanting feedback, or to see results. Just go on about your business.
2. Inner light: Look inside your self. After a while, you will probably see a little light. Let it grow. Let it build. Let the color change from whatever it was into white. Let it continue to expand and fill all the dark spots and empty spaces. Let it continue to grow until it extends outside your body, an arm's length all around, above your head and below your feet. And then affirm, "This is what I am made of. I am light. I am a child of the Light. This is my lawful space, and nothing but light may enter here."
At the end of the "Inner light" exercise, while Sam was filled with light, Ben said: "Look up, and tell me what you see."
Sam: Not much, at first. Then some drifting clouds.
Ben: Look farther up.
Sam: Faces ... someone is here ...
Ben: Look farther up.
Sam: A man's face, scowling.
Ben: Set that image aside and look higher.
Sam: Oh ... a girl ... my sister from the life with the medicine-man.
Ben: Look higher.
Sam: More light. A man with his arms outstretched.
Ben: Move higher.
Sam: Bright light... the sun... with a face on it like the moon.
Sam: Light all around, yellow and pink.
Ben: Still higher.
Sam: A roof with a trapdoor in it. A dark ceiling. I don't want to go up there. IÕm in a white room with walls and a ceiling.
Ben: Trust me in this. Go up through that dark ceiling.
Sam: In darkness. Rising. Getting lighter. Climbing a rope, wearing dark clothes.
Ben: Keep going up.
Sam: Light! Bright, white light. Something like the sun in the distance. Flames. Going to it. Going into it ... it is almost blinding, but it does not burn or consume. Oh! Full of people here. All friends. All are individuals, but all are somehow ... joined ... parts of a single unity. How strange.
Ben: How does that feel?
Sam: Good. Warm. Loving. All friends ... various individuals have had good and bad experiences, but all care for one other, so that doesn't matter. This feels like home.
Ben: Return slowly to your normal consciousness in this life.
Sam: I'm here.
Ben, to the Lord: Appraisal, please?
As-angel: We care. War was weary. We dealt. We can do no more. Now we will continue to work on the remaining bits and pieces. We will follow up -- as dreams, etc -- and weary war will be won in him.
Ben: Thank you, as always.
Sam: During most of the regression, I had a simultaneous and constant thought that I refused to give up my (mostly sexual) fantasies. While strong, the thought did not impede anything else; it just coexisted with everything else.
[I thought: Oh, oh ... he refused to be cleansed of his fantasies. HeÕs still in trouble.]
9 September 1989
(Letter from Sam, with his notes on the transcript of the 9 August session)
My apologies for taking so long to review this. I have been afraid of it. And with each day my fear, shame and depression have increased until I have consulted my therapist about it.
I have felt like the wind has been knocked out of me. That the subtlety of my egotism and pride is so unconscious that there is no hope for me to recover, let alone have any desires filled ever again.
I feel unwilling and afraid to go forward and bitter and resentful of my present state. Feel like the only way out is to finish this life out in an unobtrusive and ordinary way. Such a life might say my penitence for not following the advice of the light beings.
I really feel lost, shameful, alone and unforgivable. My therapist, who is a Quaker and receptive and methodical about metaphysical matters, thinks we need to somehow go back and revisit some of our session. He feels my reaction is indicative of something being out of joint, that I probably should've had a different reaction. We are also considering the possibility that my reaction was disproportionate for other reasons and we are going to start me on some drugs for manic depression.
When you get this and have assimilated it, give me a call.
Peace and Love, Sam.
13 September 1989
I got your letter. Strange to say, and believe it or not, it sounds very normal to me. However, before I get into that, let's review the bidding. What actually was done in our session?
1. One lost soul (Hori) was rescued. He was not really a demon, as such, even though he was harboring a bunch of them. He was pretending to be a demon. When he stopped the pretense, he was really quite a likeable fellow. This shows the nature of the fundamental lie that originally led him astray: pretense may provide power over those who are blind to the truth, but it does not earn self-respect or the respect of those who see clearly. And as for anyone being forgiven after they change, see what Jesus has to say about that (Luke 15:1-10).
2. Another entity was found in fragments and taken away to be mended.
3. Regression disclosed the source of your problems. Let's look at the sequence: (a) You did very well spiritually long ago. (b) Then you let success go to your head and bit off more than you could chew. (c) As a result, you were deceived concerning the nature of reality, tried to deceive others, and wound up deceiving yourself. That's the nature of the trap you fell into.
4. A set of thought-forms was removed from your spiritual body. Like the "pyramid" in Hori's case was a vehicle of power -- power to project the pretense that he was an animal or an ancient Egyptian god. That power was what Hori had to give up, and what he was so eager for you to give up once he was rescued.
5. You were given two pieces of homework: the act of blessing, and the inner light exercise. In combination, they are designed to help you recover part of the spirituality you achieved so long ago. They are exercises that implement the second of the two great commandments: love your neighbor and your self equally.
6. You were led through a spiritual journey upward. You rose through and beyond many astral planes, into the Light. This trip was to re-acquaint you with the Light, which you had not recently returned to between lifetimes, and thus help you remember the other part of your spirituality: love God. (Notice how many false gods and images of gods we had to ignore or bypass enroute.)
Now to your letter.
You are feeling afraid, ashamed and depressed. That's natural. How do you think Hori felt when he realized he had fallen from the Light? It is a sign that false pride and self-deception have been set aside, at least for the moment.
You felt like the wind was knocked out of you. Yes, something that was there before is now missing: specifically, Hori and the demons he was infested with, plus the entity that was fragmented. In Hebrew and Aramaic, the same word is used for both "wind" and "spirit." So you have had some wind = spirits knocked out of you.
On the next point, I disagree. Your egotism and pride are not all that subtle or unconscious. In your present state, they are close enough to the surface so you can work on them. That's good. But when you think there is no hope for you to recover, let alone have any desires filled ever again, you are just feeling sorry for yourself.
You feel unwilling and afraid to go forward. Why? You have been going in the wrong direction -- away from reality into fantasy -- so you don't need to go forward in that direction. And you don't like your present state, so why stay there? Feeling bitter and resentful of your present state is based on a misconception. The unvarnished truth is that feeling bad about oneself is a prerequisite for improvement -- and for recovery of previous spiritual stature.
Yes, you can finish this life in an unobtrusive and ordinary way -- there's nothing wrong with that -- but then what? Avoid returning to the Light again because you are ashamed? Or go back and grovel to the light-beings because you ignored their advice long ago? That's nonsense. I don't think you know them very well, any more, though you once did. They're not like that. They want you to be healthy and whole and truly happy -- now and hereafter.
You are feeling lost, shameful, alone, and unforgivable -- but how did you feel when you were in the Light? Not lost. Not shameful. Not alone. And not unforgivable. So ... how did you get there? By three steps, in this order: (1) the act of blessing, which starts the light building in you; (2) looking for the light that you really are and letting it grow, and then (3) looking up and rising up to the Light from which you originally came. That is your true Home.
In other words (bluntly), the antidote for your present state is: do your home-work.
Sam did not reply to my most recent letter, but he told a mutual friend to tell me that he was trying to finish this life in an unobtrusive and ordinary way, and trying to do his homework.